Stop Ghosting: Start Vulturing

With February being the month of "loooove" and all, I feel it's only appropriate that on this month's last day, I post something related to the bizarre nightmare that is dating in 2016...

“Ghosting” seems to be the hot dating topic of the moment. Everyone is analyzing the lack of communication and the millennial generation’s ability to start seeing someone then completely vanish on them, without so much as a text to explain. As alarming and (let’s face it) true as this is, there is another dating dilemma fast on the rise…something my friend Macon and I refer to as “Vulturing”.  

“Vulturing” is when you and someone you might be interested in are circling each other (like vultures) dropping hints at taking the sexual up a notch in the relationship...but no one is pulling the trigger and making the first move. You're having fun flirting, but it's also really hard to figure out where (and if) the thing is going anywhere. 

Essentially, you are vultures who still have an insatiable appetite but have lost the ability to use your teeth and take a bite. Romantic, isn’t it?

Now that we're clear on what vulturing is...how do you know you’re being a “vulture”? Or better yet, how do you know someone is “vulturing” you?

Behold! A list of common occurrences and situations associated with this phenomenon:

1.     Each time you hang out, the flirtatious touching increases. This could be arm touching while laughing, the under the table/bar knee and leg-touch linger or the "saucy handsy hug" Assuming you are not in middle school, you know the difference between an accidental boob graze between friends and a deliberately placed hand on knee.

2.      There is excessive complimenting. You and the other person go to extreme lengths to ensure that the other knows that they are special, whether it be complimenting each other’s looks and/or personality and building them up when they’re feeling down. This isn’t just a casual compliment exchanged between friends, this is consistent and genuine. And when you think about it, it makes you simultaneously blush and laugh.

3.     You hang out fairly regularly, and each time you do, the time frame seems to increase. Also, if you’re hanging out with a group, it seems to become a guaranteed thing that the two of you will spend the entire time talking almost exclusively to each other and direct 80% of your attention to each other. This whole "group outing" thing is clearly a beard. 

4.     The goodbye’s get longer. This is a good one – are you sitting around at the end of the evening saying goodbye multiple times and then not actually leaving? Does it seem like a kiss is on the verge of happening…but then just doesn't

5.     Sexual tension has been acknowledged. It’s blatantly been vocally acknowledged by one of you and/or others. Ohhh yeahhh, something is there and you’re both fully aware!

Vulturing is equal parts frustrating and exciting. While it’s fun to flirt and let the tension linger, we’re not used to it. We live in an age of instant gratification where we are encouraged to boldly and bravely go for things...or more realistically, “have that sloppy drunken hookup!” I think that's why "vulturing" is especially fun for people in their 20's, because it gives us an out and doesn't force anyone to fully commit to any one thing (um, yes please). It's a step up from flirting, with the added bonus of knowing the person actually enjoys your presence! Plus, there is no ignoring or avoiding of the other person involved...making it a much more human and compassionate option than ghosting! 

However, I have to make this post motivational somehow...otherwise it's not worthy of being posted on a blog. It's gotta be "Elite Daily" approved somehow! So, with that in mind, what do you really have to lose? Maybe you’re tired of circling and you want to just see how the prey tastes? Horrible imagery, but you know what I mean. If you're tired of the incessant and meaningless flirting, upgrade your vulture-status. Go on, take a bite!

PS: (...not endorsing biting anyone...unless you're both consensually into that).